Monday, January 30, 2017


Some of you have asked if I'm okay. So I figure it’s time to chat with you a little. 

Am I okay?

The answer is, I’m trying to be. But at the moment, I am not, and I can’t go into detail just yet. In fact, as much as I love you, coffee beans, I really haven’t wanted to mention this at all online because I don’t like the idea of you worrying about me. And I’m craving privacy in a way that I normally don’t. However, I’ve realized there’s a flaw in my plan. 

Blogging has become an outlet, a way to be honest about my struggles. But I don’t share personal stuff online because of some great quanity of bravery or wisdom or whatever. I wish that were the case, because then my more heart-felt posts would feel voluntary rather than necessary. In all honesty, though, the primary reason I lay myself bare about the big issues is that, if I don’t talk about them, they cloud the forefront of my mind and make it nearly impossible to blog about anything else. I also find that my relationships struggle when I can’t bring full disclosure to the table, because to me friendship has always been about sharing the important stuff as well as the small stuff. Additionally, I feel like pretending that I’m okay when I’m not is a form of lying, and I don’t like lying. 

Over the past few months, I’ve resisted telling you about this specific round of cloud coverage in my life. Instead I’ve tried to force myself to blog around the ensuing block in my mind, because I’ve shared several big things already, and this isn’t like the others. I’ve sat down and outlined/drafted several posts on miscallaneous topics, only to find myself unable to finish anything. 

So I guess I need to tell you, but I’ll do so in as general terms as possible, and I’m sorry if I scare/hurt you. 

Here’s the deal: 

I am sick. I was getting better. I stopped getting better. Now the cliched path to recovery is significantly more exhausting and discouraging and all manner of horrible, but I don’t have the luxury of taking the easy route in hopes that this sickness goes away on its own, because if I do, I will die. I apologize if I’m being too blunt—it’s just that I have to be this blunt with myself since I still struggle to take the stakes seriously. Please don’t be angry with me if you’re a friend or family member and I haven’t told you about this personally; please understand that I didn’t even tell my own mother and sister until last week, and every time I tell someone, I get more tired and overwhelmed. (Also, when I tell people, I feel really guilty about sharing bad news.) Only a handful of people know exactly what’s going on at this point, and already it feels too crowded. However, I realize that for many of my friends and family, hearing about this from a blog post is not at all ideal, and I apologize. At some point, I may decide to share more information with you. In the meantime, I would very much appreciate your prayers, your understanding, and your continued friendship. Thank you. 


  1. Love you Liz!! We will be praying for you as you go thru this sickness. Please let us know if we can help in any way. Rhonda & Lee

  2. I love and admire you so very much and will definitely keep you in my thoughts. you're such a warrior. I will pray so so very much for you, my fren. <3

  3. Love you, Liz!! Praying for you and already see God working!! Love and prayers and hugs! - Amy<><

  4. So very sorry for your health challenges, Liz. Your blogger friends are here for you. Hope your treatment works. We'll all be praying for you.

  5. Hi Liz,
    So sorry to hear this. I will keep you in my prayers. Is there anything else I can do? Feel free to message me if you ever want/need to. Love you.

    *Laura T.*

  6. Praying for you! If you are a tenth of the person you write about, you are one of the strongest people I know.

  7. Liz, you are an amazing person (and writer), and I'm really glad to know you a little. I'm keeping you in my prayers xx

  8. I'm so sorry... I don't really know what to say, but you're definitely in my prayers. And consider yourself the recipient of ALL THE VIRTUAL HUGS because I do not know what else to offer.

  9. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, and as cliched and empty-sounding as it sounds (at least to me), I really hope you feel better soon. You're in my thoughts and prayers, and let me know if there's anything else I can do <3

  10. Definitely praying for you! I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing well. But I know that you can do this! Whatever recovery that you're going through, no matter how hard it is, keep going!

    And don't feel like you're burdening us or anyone else with your bad news. Actually, just don't ever feel like a burden in any manner. Feeling like a burden is the same as thinking you don't have a right to exist (which probably sounds dramatic, but I'm a writer, and that's how I think of it). YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO EXIST. So take it. And never feel like a burden (because feelings are fickle little liars. . . ok, now I'm being angsty. Sorry). Because you're not a burden. You are human and God loves you.

    And I'm sorry that all this sorta compromises your privacy. :P I hate it when things compromise privacy in my own life, and, yeah, it sucks.

    You got this!

  11. This is so sad :( I seriously hope you get better. I don't want anything bad to happen to you, Liz.

  12. I hate pretending everything is okay when it's not too. *hugs*