Friday, February 19, 2016

Further Gripes about Christian Romance


On Monday, I listed some of my major problems with Christian Romance. Today, I want to wrap up that discussion as much as I can. (Also, once again, I would like to thank my sister for aiding and abetting in the writing of this post.) 

See, the problem is, we get so hung up on the “Christian” label, like somehow we’re being promised a great story. At least it’s “clean”. At least it ascribes to a certain set of values. At least…etc. But writers and consumers apparently sometimes forget that “Christian” and “quality” are not synonymous. So let’s talk about this. 

Personhood. I already addressed this in Monday’s post, but I want to reiterate because I focused only on the woman side of issue, and I’d like to broaden my scope. Among other things, I mentioned that the heroines in Christian Romances often seem to exist only for their men to romance them, and that these heroines don’t have much substance to their personalities. However, I should also mention that the men in Christian Romances aren’t generally treated like real human beings either. Instead, they are frequently idealized. 

If you pay close enough attention, you’ll see a pattern. Our Christian Romance hero doesn’t have any true faults. Sure, he teases the heroine and tries to make her angry, but it’s all in good fun. He might have some emotional rough patches (for instance, he might get angry at our heroine for some, probably justifiable, reason), but he has no deep personal flaws. He, like the heroine, doesn’t have a violent streak, or a selfish streak, or a bitter streak. Or, if he does have flaws, they are highly romanticized and painted as good/desirable. He doesn’t even think like a man, usually. In essence, he’s what women unconsciously look for in men—he is a woman in a man’s body. Not to mention, he is insanely attractive and, as with our heroine’s physical appearance, we are frequently reminded of his dashing good looks. Because we all know hotness is the most important factor in a relationship. 

Ugliness. A good romance doesn’t present cardboard characters who exist only to be beautiful and in love. We are all of us imperfect, and we all have ugly aspects to our character. Pretending those facets don’t exist doesn’t give us a better romance—it just gives us a dishonest one. Sometimes I think Christian Romance writers shy away from the representation of sin in their characters’ lives because they’re writing “clean” books. How can you write a “clean” book if you have sinful characters? Wouldn’t it just be awful to show us how bad humans can be? 

I’m not saying Christian writers have to throw away their guidebooks and their morals and write about sordid love affairs and whatnot. But I am saying a Christian writer shouldn’t shy away from the truth, even when it gets ugly. It may not be as desirable to have a heroine and hero who struggle with temptation and sin, who sometimes think bad thoughts and want bad things despite their faith, who mess up again and again until they learn—if they ever learn—but that’s what people are really like. Sure, we humans have many attractive qualities about us: humor, intelligence, physical appearance, whatever. But there’s nothing more beautiful than the grace God has given us, and I wish more Christian Romances focused on that—God’s grace despite our faults—instead of squeaky-clean, perfect-looking, pseudo-humans. Love is more beautiful when it exists despite the ugliness of sin than it is when it exists only as a washed-out, untested version of itself. 

Testing Love. In my Monday post, I briefly touched on the tendency toward romanticized portrayals of roguish men. Many of the heroes in Christian Romance are presented as these reformed ruffians with just enough wickedness in them to make them interesting and exciting and wonderfully dangerous. But this wicked streak is painted as something attractive, desirable, and ultimately harmless. In other words, even his faults are good. And I’ll admit that there is definitely something very attractive about that sort of man. Otherwise, why would that character type be so popular? 

But this representation of the bad guy gone good—or worse, the good bad guy—ignores certain fundamental aspects of human nature. So let me give you an example of human nature. In LORNA DOONE (a book I adore beyond all human reason) we have a highwayman side character who is in love with the main character’s sister, Annie. Annie and the highwayman get married, and the highwayman promises that he has put his old ways behind him and that his love for Annie will be enough. He will not feel the need to go back to holding up carriages at gun point. He has found another cause to live for. Hearts and romance and all that mushy stuff. But fast-forward to later on in the book, and what do we find? Our highwayman has grown restless. After the initial excitement of his marriage has faded and domestic daily life has gotten into full swing, he has begun to realize something. He is, at heart, just not cut out for this sort of existence. At the peak of his romantic feelings, he may have chosen to change his ways, but he is still the man who found adventure and life in breaking the law—his love for Annie and his good intentions haven’t changed the core of his being. Because of this, his antsy-ness at being tied down when his soul was meant to free as a bird puts a strain on their marriage. 

I’m using this example, not because I’m saying every romance that portrays a rogue and a lady falling in love will end in hardship (and I’m also not going to tell you the end of Annie and her highwayman’s story—you’ll have to read the book for that), but I am saying that rogues don’t change completely. At some point down the road, once the excitement of marriage fades, they will want to revert back to their old ways because that’s what comes naturally to them. Even the “good” guys will not seem perfect forever. So instead of always showing us the time when the hero and heroine fall in love, with all its dashing romance and blinding emotion, wouldn’t it be great if writers sometimes showed us what comes later on, down the road? Wouldn’t it be nice if they showed our couple struggling to stay in love despite the natural tendency toward entropy? 

It’s so easy to fall in love, and it’s so easy to write about falling in love. But love doesn’t mean all that much when it isn’t tested, and I think a lot of Christian Romance writers miss that. Otherwise I don’t think we would have so many stories about falling in love and so few about staying in love. After all, we live in a culture where love ends. Often it seems that we fall in love with the secret understanding that we’re falling, but we’ll one day stop falling, and then it will be over. But real love is beautiful and messy and hard, and it is a conscious choice, not an accident. It is a war, not a vacation. The fact that so many Christian writers focus heavily on the happy aspects and shy away from representing the trenches makes me wonder how much these writers truly understand the love they’re writing about. It makes me wonder how much faith they have that the love they’re representing is strong enough to last beyond the honeymoon period. 

In Conclusion. I know there are plenty of unhealthy romances out there and that this is not a peculiarly Christian problem. But if we, as Christians, believe that God is love and the author of all love, then our Romance novels should reflect that belief. In short, Christian Romance should be better, purer, more powerful than run-of-the-mill Romance. Because we Christians should understand what romance means. 

Since I have griped so much about the majority of Christian Romance, I think it’s only fair that I share the ones that have not disappointed me. Unfortunately, the majority of my exposure to Christian Romance happened when I was a young thing, so many of the stories have melded together in my mind. I can’t be sure, now, if the books I think were fine were actually fine. I’m sorry. I do believe Janette Oke’s LOVE COME’S SOFTLY series is okay, as I remember it feeling particularly safe and real. But aside from that, I would have to do some rereading before I felt comfortable putting my stamp of approval on any other examples. 


What about you, little coffee beans? What do you think? Do you have any good examples of Christian Romance? What has been your experience with this genre?

20 comments:

  1. So I honestly haven't read any adult christian romances? I read a fair few teenage-targeted ones though...and SWORE OFF THEM FOR LIFE. I haven't read your other post on this topic yet, but Imma do that after this...XD (Yes I do things backwards, omg.) But, I always felt that the "Christians" were totally portrayed as perfect and as a reader I found it tacky and unrelatable and boring. Did you ever read the Mandy books? Like she was always "perfect" and her only flaw was being too curious...which, ya know, LEAD HER INTO DANGER ALL THE TIME. But as long as she prayed, she was "forgiven" for being a brat to get her and everyone else into danger because she was so nosey. -_- I always hated it because I knew she'd just go and get into another mess in the next book. (It's like a 40 book series.XD) 12-year-old-Cait wasn't impressed. Noooope.

    I like how you said at the end that Christian romances should be about the KIND of love. I soooo agree. But, unfortunately, I don't think I will ever know because I'll probably never read one again. XD

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    1. Bless your unsullied mind. :P I don't blame you for swearing off them for life. I occasionally forget how much I dislike Christian Romance, and so I pop in every now and then to sample another one, and then I remember why I don't like them. So I kick myself, then forget and repeat the cycle. :P (I do things backwards as well, don't worry. :P) Same here--it's shallow and tacky to pretend that Christian characters are perfect. Christians can be pretty messed-up people, and it's a good thing to admit that, and to deal with it honestly and openly. I mean, that's what I'd like to read. Pretending sin doesn't exist doesn't make it go away. It just makes it worse. My mom read the Mandy books to me when I was six or seven years old, so I honestly don't remember much about them. But I am not surprised at your assessment either. I do remember them feeling formulaic and a bit shallow. I remember being amused by them but also frustrated with Mandy for always getting herself into so much trouble. SERIOUSLY MANDY, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.

      Thank you! I think a lot of Christian writers misunderstand the complexity of love, and they focus too much on the same, shallow kind. I doubt I'll read too many more in my lifetime, either, so I probably won't find too many good Christian Romances either. :P

      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  2. YES LIZ. I love how much this post feels like you read my mind :)

    Francine Rivers 'Mark of the Lion' series would have to be one of my most positive Christian Romance/Fiction experiences.

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    1. XD Aww, I'm glad I could read your mind. :P

      I have heard some good things about that series. I'll definitely have to see if my library has it. Thanks for the recommendation, and thanks for commenting! :)

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  3. This, this, this. I don't think I've ever read a Christian fiction book I've enjoyed? But that could just be me. I've always held to the belief that as Christians we shouldn't shy away from the sin of the world or the real-life issues that we all face, even when that gets messy. And there's a way to do that that doesn't involve being too explicit, I think.

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    1. XD That's not surprising. The only time I really enjoyed Christian fiction was when I was younger and less discerning about books and story quality in general. I mean, I really love Steven James' books, but I don't know if those could be strictly classified as "Christian". Either way, they're really good. Dekker is a fairly good exception. But on the romance side--nothing recently, and I don't have a lot of confidence in some of the ones I think I remember being okay. I don't trust my younger self's judgment. :P I agree. I think it makes our faith look weak and pointless if we can't even face the sin in our lives and in the world around us. It just looks so pathetic when we try to pretend our sin doesn't exist or isn't such a big deal. God's grace wouldn't be all that special if our sin wasn't particularly awful. And I agree--dealing with hard issues might be uncomfortable, but it doesn't have to be explicit.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts! :)

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  4. Yes so may books that are labeled "Christian" do so much damage to the Christian name because they are just terrible books, flat characters and no story. I am sure there are some good ones, but I personally steer away from the romance genera altogether. Though I did read Lorna Doone years ago and liked it although I don't remember it much anymore,(which was something since I hate most classics I have read.) Really great post, we need more writers to write Christian fiction that is about the story and not about unreal people!

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    1. *nods* It's such a crying shame. I wonder how much these authors think through what they're really saying in their books, and what sort of effect that might have on people. Yeah, I'm not a romance junkie either. Romance, to me, is like frosting--it's nice on a cake, but I wouldn't want to eat an entire cake made out of frosting. It would make me sick. *happy dance* I'm so happy you liked Lorna Doone. It does have a different feel than a lot of classics, maybe because it doesn't seem as pretentious. The narrator talks a lot about how poorly educated he is, and it just feels like a down-home story. I know those aspects really struck and impressed me. Thank you! And yes, I agree--I would love to see more Christian fiction like that. *nods*

      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  5. Um, yes. Definitely agree with all of this. Especially that last part. I know a lot of people, especially Christian girls, have so many misconceptions about love and marriage. They dream about their wedding day and how perfect its going to be, but do they ever thinking about afterward? Because it isn't all roses and daisies. We always forget how human we and others are. That love means you're going to have to sacrifice your pride and forgive.

    This is probably random. But this is why I like the Divergent series, because it shows Tris and Tobias going through a lot of ups and downs in their relationship. Their love is tested often. But they always choice to work it out. They always choice each other. What I like about Divergent is that it showed love as choice, not a flimsy feeling. I'll admit though, I probably do need to revisit the series.

    The ugliness of sin also. It's never portrayed accurately in Christian fiction, strangely. It's made to look like a little fault or personality tic. Or it's romanticized. Just what? It's not taken seriously or realistically and so it all falls flat.

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    1. XD It definitely doesn't help that a lot of Christian Romances are feeding those misconceptions. Wedding days are all well and good, and falling in love is good. But I wish people wouldn't forget that the initial feelings of love are going to go away, and for the marriage to last, those heady feelings need to be replaced with something more substantial or it's all downhill from there. You're right--I guess we just would rather assume we're not going to mess things up, and our spouse isn't going to mess things up, and hearts and roses from then on. But real love, oh my goodness it's so hard and painful sometimes. And if girls come into their marriages expecting them to be as easy as falling in love, they're in for a rude awakening. :(

      I felt the same way about the Divergent series, actually. As much as I thought both Tris and Tobias sounded unnecessary whiny in some parts of Allegiant, I was really happy to see how they struggled to maintain their relationship, and how they succeeded, even though it wasn't always easy. *hugs them* I so appreciate how that trilogy treats love. I've been wanting to reread those books, and I should do that soon. *nods*

      A lot of Christian writers seem afraid to show the ugliness of sin, like somehow just writing about it will make them dirty. But why gloss over sin and romanticize it? That just gives it even more power. I think it's so much better to name something and then deal with it, even if it gets messy and ugly. To me, realism is so much more than empty fantasy because at least it's honest, and at least it's a step in the right direction.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts! :)

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  6. Oh my goodness, this is such a great post. I read your last post about objectifying women, but this about idealising men = THE REALEST. And I don't really like why Christian fiction has to be all ~pure~ and ~sparkly~ and ~positive~ because from what I've read of the Bible it gets dark A LOT OF TIMES. Like, really dark.

    I guess Christian fiction as a genre isn't just about fiction with Christian values, and books that involve themes of sin and forgiveness and so on can also be Christian without being classified as such, and I suppose that's why "Christian romance" as a genre seems so narrow and formulaic. The label definitely does more harm than good though IMO.

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    1. Aww, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :) I think it's interesting how women are objectified and men are idealized and so many of those romances are written by WOMEN. Like, what even? Why? Same here. I get disgusted with how pure and light it is because I am a very messed up dark person and I want my literature to reflect that. I don't want to feel like "Oh goodness, I'm a bad Christian because I have a hideous heart at times." Because all Christians are "bad Christians" at times--a lot of the time. And you're absolutely right--the Bible has a lot of dark and gritty stuff in it, and Christian writers would benefit from using it as a template. Like, if the Bible deals with dark issues, then I'd say it's a safe bet it's okay for us to write about those issues like mature people. :P

      Very true. That's why I'm not sure whether books like Steven James' novels would classify as "Christian" or not. I don't think it really works to label stories like that, anyway. We can set up these guidelines for our closed little system and it can stagnate pretty quickly. I much prefer a good book written by a Christian writer who obviously understands what they believe and doesn't feel the need to write a preachy novel rather than a "Christian" book written by an author who doesn't even seem to understand what it means to be a Christian. In other words, I would prefer something coming from a solid Christian worldview over a "Christian story", whatever that is. I agree--the label isn't helpful. It's misleading and narrow, and I think it would be wonderful if the "Christian" publishing industry were to reevaluate.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts! :)

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  7. I feel like... I guess I feel like the thing about Christian fiction, especially romance, sort of depends on Mary Sues, because the point is that these books are meant to call us to "perfection" (although as the objectification and idealization demonstrate, that does not prove the case). And the worst part is that literally we cannot live like Mary Sues, because WE ARE NOT MARY SUES. WE ARE NOT MEANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT. WE CANNOT. DUH.

    I don't even know where I want to go... Mostly... I guess I want to say that in forming a perfection that all Christians are supposed to feel comfortable with reading, there creates a cycle of non-perfection that becomes socially acceptable among Christians.

    I think that is very dangerous. That is all.

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    1. I agree. *nods* And it frustrates me so much, because it basically implies (at least to me) that if you're not as "good" as these women, then you can kiss your chances of a meaningful romantic relationship goodbye. Not that I'm looking for romance. On the contrary. But I don't like looking at these portrayals of idealized women and feeling pressured, in any way, to be like them, just because the author has grown up under the impression that this is what it means to be a good, marriageable woman. It feels like reverse-feminism, and that bothers me. :P

      *nods* Excellently put. And I wish more authors would stop and think about their portrayal of perfection and how it might be, oh, I don't know, imperfect.

      T'is indeed.

      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  8. YES! It would be so much more realistic- not even just in books, but in real life- if Christians admitted to themselves that they're sinners. Like, I believe even the term "I am a sinner" coming from a Christian is said like "Nobody's perfect, but I try to be". I feel like there's a lot of judgement attached to knowing you're saved, and although I've seen churches do great things, I've also seen them treat people horribly. I think it's just a whole mentality that's wrong.
    Relatedly, have you read Redeeming Love?

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    1. *nods* Absolutely. It's like there's this general stigma about presenting a truly broken, messy Christian, as if you're expected to become nearly perfect the moment you get saved, and if you admit that you mess up and do bad things, well then, you've really fallen off the wagon, haven't you. (Gasp! God forbid a Christian struggle. OMG. You're DePrEsSeD??? You sIN? YOU MUST BE A BAD CHRISTIAN!!! Just pretend your perfect, or other Christians won't like you, which means God won't like you. And if you can't pretend, then we'll have to sweep you under the rug so you don't make the rest of us look bad. *gag me*) I think some (many?) Christians get so focused on the appearance of being saved that they lose touch entirely with what it means to be saved. As if somehow they think God isn't capable of saving us unless we do our best to at least look like we've cleaned up our act. It makes me sick when the church body ejects someone who's struggling, when one of the church's main purposes is to help those who are broken. *headdesk*
      I actually haven't read Redeeming Love, although the premise does sound sufficiently intriguing. Is it any good?
      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  9. These are some great points. I do believe that Christian romance has a lot of issues. I believe in some books it's getting better, but the stereotypical is sappy perfect romances. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!

    storitorigrace.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you! I certainly hope so. It would be wonderful to see an upward trend in Christian fiction. You're welcome!

      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  10. Yeah, I've noticed that in some Christian stories on Wattpad, the cowboys all have these huge muscles and they're so.... perfect, y'know? It's a bit unrealistic...

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    1. Ugh. People are so obsessed with huge muscles. I don't mind muscles, but not when they're highlighted as the most important part of a man, and not when they're so unrealistically perfect.

      Thank you for commenting! :)

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