Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Chicken Diaries


I mentioned in a post a while back that chickens are my favorite kind of bird. Ever since Sister-mine and I moved to our new apartment, I have had the chance to observe our landlords’ chickens more closely, and I have decided to narrate their little chicken thoughts for you. I think you’ll be surprised by how intelligent and charming these awkward birds truly are. 


Day One

I have managed to climb atop of a pile of lumber. There appears to be no food up here. I am uncertain how to get down. I do not know when rescue will come. I will most likely starve. 


Day One 
(Because let’s face it, a chicken’s memory doesn’t really go beyond that.)

We have been released into a grassy enclosure. There is a large furry chicken?? as well as a smaller, equally furry chicken??. They appear to be indifferent toward us, and they offer us no food. Also there are large, four-limbed, bi-pedal, featherless chickens. Two of them walked along the dirt path this morning. They did not bring food. Perhaps next time they will bring food. They are such awkward chickens. They don’t even have wings. I have wings. I can fly. 

Update: It appears I cannot fly as well as I had previously assumed. 


Day One

I have eaten an insect. I hope to eat another insect. 

Update: Something moved over yonder. I will investigate. I believe it is an insect. 



Day One

I have discovered a barrier made of a see-through substance. I can see one of the featherless chickens behind it, but the barrier is impervious to my beak. There appears to be food beyond the barrier. I will stare at the featherless chicken until it offers me food. 

Update: The featherless chicken does not respond to non-verbal cues. I will make velociraptor screeches to get its attention. Then it will give me food. 


Day One

I eat, therefore I am. 


Day One

One of the featherless chickens gave me an apple core. I am now running for my life. The other chickens are galloping after me in a majestic herd. If I slow down, the apple core is lost. It is my apple core. 


Day One

Is there any higher virtue in life than food? 


Day One

I pecked a featherless chicken’s foot today thinking it was food. It was not food. It appears I will have to find food elsewhere. 


Day One

Food. 



Well, that’s it for today, my little chickens coffee beans. What is your favorite bird? Do you like chickens? Do you like food as much as chickens like food? (Also, in case you were wondering about the two furry chickens referenced above—the first one is a dog and the second one is a cat.)

16 comments:

  1. This was great! Chickens are okay, but I'm more of a dog person. Once I get my own place, I would like some laying hens and milk goats.

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    1. Thank you! :) Dogs are cool too. And that sounds like a lovely goal! :) I want to own my own flock of chickens someday, and goats are fun as well. :)

      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  2. This basically just made my day. (Also, I am just a little frightened at how much my life resembles a chicken's. But let's not dwell on that, ok?)

    A majestic herd of chickens. That is fantastic.

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    1. Aww, I'm so happy! :) (I too am concerned by how similar my mind is to these chickens' brains. But hey, food is an admirable obsession when you consider we could be obsessed with killing people.)

      It is also fantastic to see. :P

      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  3. This is hilarious! My uncle has 4 chickens, but I don't think they're NEARLY as interesting as your landlords'. They mostly just walk around slowly and sleep.

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    1. Aww, thank you! They sound like they might be older and more tired? It might depend on the flock too, and whether or not there's a rooster present, but yes, these chickens are quite special. :P

      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  4. Replies
    1. I'm so glad you liked it! :)

      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  5. Haha. As someone who's owned a lot of chickens this is very accurate. XD They're quite funny birds and more intelligent than others think. I had a rooster that would herd our hens under the trees when hawks flew by. I do appreciate their love of food thought ... ;)

    storitorigrace.blogspot.com

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    1. *high fives you* They really are--they're the smartest dumb creatures I've ever encountered. Like, I can distract the whole herd by sprinkling dirt on the ground, but they know to steal my food when I'm distracted. :P Aww, that rooster is so responsible. :P Our landlords' will herd the hens into shady areas when it's especially hot out. I too appreciate their love of food. *nods* :D

      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  6. XDD Is it possible for me to somehow find a sense of kindred with this strange, odd bird who is singularly possessed with the same love as I am? o.O

    (Although it's not going to ever make me want to touch one, lol.)

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    1. Strangely enough, it must be. :P Food must be the universal language. Congratulations, you can now communicate with chickens.

      (Dang it. :P Ah well, I understand and concede my defeat. :P)

      Thanks for commenting! :)

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  7. LOL, this is the best <3


    Alexa
    thessalexa.blogspot.com
    verbosityreviews.com

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    1. Aww, thank you! I'm glad you liked it! :)

      Thank you for commenting! :)

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  8. I find it interesting how you wrote this in a chicken's perspective.

    Yes, I like chicken. Especially covered in batter and fried.... wait-what?

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    1. Maybe I'm secretly a chicken. *pecks ground* You never know. :P

      Chicken are great. I like to name them special things, like Sweet and Sour and Kentucky Fried. *shifty eyes*

      Thank you for commenting! :)

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