I mentioned in a post a while back that chickens are my favorite kind of bird. Ever since Sister-mine and I moved to our new apartment, I have had the chance to observe our landlords’ chickens more closely, and I have decided to narrate their little chicken thoughts for you. I think you’ll be surprised by how intelligent and charming these awkward birds truly are.
Day One
I have managed to climb atop of a pile of lumber. There appears to be no food up here. I am uncertain how to get down. I do not know when rescue will come. I will most likely starve.
Day One
(Because let’s face it, a chicken’s memory doesn’t really go beyond that.)
We have been released into a grassy enclosure. There is a large furry chicken?? as well as a smaller, equally furry chicken??. They appear to be indifferent toward us, and they offer us no food. Also there are large, four-limbed, bi-pedal, featherless chickens. Two of them walked along the dirt path this morning. They did not bring food. Perhaps next time they will bring food. They are such awkward chickens. They don’t even have wings. I have wings. I can fly.
Update: It appears I cannot fly as well as I had previously assumed.
Day One
I have eaten an insect. I hope to eat another insect.
Update: Something moved over yonder. I will investigate. I believe it is an insect.
Day One
I have discovered a barrier made of a see-through substance. I can see one of the featherless chickens behind it, but the barrier is impervious to my beak. There appears to be food beyond the barrier. I will stare at the featherless chicken until it offers me food.
Update: The featherless chicken does not respond to non-verbal cues. I will make velociraptor screeches to get its attention. Then it will give me food.
Day One
I eat, therefore I am.
Day One
One of the featherless chickens gave me an apple core. I am now running for my life. The other chickens are galloping after me in a majestic herd. If I slow down, the apple core is lost. It is my apple core.
Day One
Is there any higher virtue in life than food?
Day One
I pecked a featherless chicken’s foot today thinking it was food. It was not food. It appears I will have to find food elsewhere.
Day One
Food.
Well, that’s it for today, my little chickens coffee beans. What is your favorite bird? Do you like chickens? Do you like food as much as chickens like food? (Also, in case you were wondering about the two furry chickens referenced above—the first one is a dog and the second one is a cat.)
